Dear Diary
by PSI Lucas
Summary: This is a Re-Write of 'I love you although it's wrong'. It isn't rude and it has a more innocent theme. What does Lucas tell his diary about his feelings for somebody he can't have? Delve into his personal life and read all about his confusing feelings.


Dear Diary,

When I purchased you, I intended on filling you with the secrets that circulate my thoughts everyday. And so I will.

I don't see you as 'Just Some Notebook'... I see you as a friend. A friend who will hold my hand through the hurtful path of life where many things will cause me to struggle and fall along the way.

Starting from as far back as last year, a certain, rather large obstacle has placed itself in the middle of the path and is blocking it. I don't know what to do to move it. It's seemingly impossible. I need to find a way to remove it before I end up doing something I'll regret eternally.

So, I'm telling you.

I'm telling you so I at least have something to ease the weight on my shoulders and clear the abyss of continuous thoughts.

I think it would be best to begin by telling you the story of when I first started to look at someone in a whole new perspective. A whole new light.

The story of where the obstacle first landed in my path.

These feelings changed my life.

Like I mentioned before, this was as far back as last year.

But, I remember it all too vividly. As if it were yesterday.

Me and Claus were sitting on the field where we always played. In fact, we still play there now. It was reaching the late afternoon and the sun was setting. It was a fascinating sight like pastel colours clashing against each other on a canvas.

''It's beautiful, isn't it?'' My brother broke the silence between us as he gazed up at the sky in awe.

I nodded in agreement, too speechless for words. I, too, was drawn in by the sight.

Claus folded his arms behind his head and laid back on the fine, soft grass. ''We should do this more often.''

I mirrored his actions and turned to face him so I could smile in agreement. But as I looked at him, all thoughts of the sunset became miniature compared to what my mind was focusing on as my eyes met my brother's face.

He looked heavenly.

Small shadows were cast on his smooth skin, defining his angelic features and bringing out his perfection. His eyes, I remember his eyes, how they glistened their emerald green and became completely hypnotic. The serene breeze of the afternoon was caught in his orange hair, causing it to slowly throw tusks of it around as it gently brushed against his face.

I was mesmerised by his beauty but at the same time, confused by the throbbing feeling I had got in my heart.

I had never felt that way before and how suddenly it started to envelope my feelings was staggering. I didn't know what to do.

What I did do, however, was continue to stare at my stunning, older twin brother.

And he noticed.

''Lucas? What are you looking at?'' He giggled his childish giggle as his emerald greens scanned my slightly parted lips.

I didn't reply. I couldn't reply.

I don't ever remember being this speechless at any point before OR after this scene.

''Lucas?'' Claus began to look concerned. I don't blame him though. What would you do if your sibling had randomly froze to the spot, unable to move or speak?

''Lucas!'' He eventually regained my consciousness by slapping at my cheeks and viciously clicking his fingers in my face.

''Huh? Oh, sorry.'' I muttered, embarrassed.

''It's okay. Were you day dreaming?'' Claus asked me with curiosity.

''Yes. I guess I was.'' Little did he know, I was day dreaming about him. How handsome he was. How my heart was starting to beat faster as his melodic voice sang into my ears.

''Lucas, you don't look so good.'' Claus reached over and wiped a bead of sweat from my pink cheeks. ''Maybe we should head home?''

I couldn't agree more. As much as I wanted to stay and stare at him all night long, I was nothing but overwhelmed by my sudden, strong feelings and started to get dizzy. I needed to lay down.

Claus immediately stood up and towered over my weak, fragile self. He looked perfect from that angle, too. He held out a hand, which I grabbed onto, and pulled me up from the field.

My head starting spinning as my heart beat faster. Claus's hand clenched mine and the warmness of his overtook the coldness of my own.

I felt so lovestruck as he spun me around to face him. His eyes burned into mine as we locked them together.

Whilst mine were full of daze, his were drenched with worry.

I must have looked a mess.

''We need to get you home, Lucas.'' His voice was thick with concern as he slipped his arm around my shoulder for support.

I pathetically leaned on him as my heart thundered against my ribs. There was this strange sensation that I could feel in my heart as well as it's ridiculous rate.

I didn't know what the feeling was before... But now I know.

It was love.

The love that I still continue to feel today as it increases in strength.

I love my own brother.

And I know I can't have him.

It all happened so fast.

I hopelessly clung onto his shoulders and chest as he walked me home. Luckily, our house wasn't far so we were there in around three minutes.

Mom and Dad weren't there, though. They were at Grandad's, picking up some stuff me and Claus had left there on our last stay. They trusted us on our own though. Everyone in our neighbourhood was friendly, so it was hardly likely that somebody would break in and hurt us.

Claus sat me down on a sofa and crouched down beside me. ''How are you feeling?''

I took in his features, once again. But this time, I reached out and stroked his cheek with the back of my hand.

Claus's face switched to pure confusion as he slowly backed away. ''You must be really poorly, Lucas.''

I whimpered at his reaction. I just wanted him close. I wanted him next to me. I desperately held out my hand to him.

He shook his head, slowly. ''I don't want to catch what you have.''

I frowned.

''I love you, but no.'' Claus made it clear that he wasn't going to come near me.

But, the words ''I love you'' had my heart suddenly stop for a second.

He actually said ''I love you''... He may not have meant it in the way I do... But he still said it.

And that's what still drives me crazy to this day.

That was the story of when I first fell in love with my brother.

I could have detailed it more, but I'm trembling as I write.

Everytime I re-think of that event, my heart aches because it reminds me of how I'll never have him.

It's hard loving someone who you can't have.

But, I still have hope.

Right, I'm going to have to stop writing now. It's getting late and I have to get up early to go for a picnic with... Claus... Tomorrow.

I'll tell you about it when I'm alone next. I don't know when that'll be but I can't write in you in public.

_ Nobody can know about you._

Sweet Dreams.

**A/N: There, this is a re-write with no rudeness and more lovey-dovey.**

**I hope you like this one better because I spent my whole morning before school writing it, even though I was supposed to be getting ready for my early morning maths exam.**

**You didn't really like the rude one, which confused me because loads of you were begging for rudeness over PM and Ask profile but meh. I must've attracted the wrong viewers.**

**Also, If you're bored you can ask me questions on my ask profile. I answer information on my fanfiction aswell. (When next chapters will be up; Chapter previews; Future fanfic plans) And I roleplay as Lucas on it. The link is on my profile.**

**You also may have noticed I changed the name of this fanfic. I got told in a review that I'm too creative with titles so I simplified it. Hope this is better.**

**QUESTION: SHOULD I MAKE AN EARTHBOUND CHATROOM FANFIC? **

**IF YES: WHICH CHARACTERS WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN THERE?**

**IF NO: WHAT FANFICS WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CREATE IN THE FUTURE?**


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